Journey's Beginning

It’s been a week since I’ve last posted, mostly because I haven’t had internet. I also haven’t really been writing, but the first week back at college is the busiest and most expensive. It’s been mostly like expected, sometimes duller, sometimes more exciting. Instead of having a last night in Macomb party, I had a first night in Champaign party (but with my Macomb friends). Which should probably mean nothing, but I like to overanalyze.

                Welcome home parties are the optimistic brother of the closet pessimistic going away party. Going away parties can be fun, and are there to honor all the good times that were had. So, is there any point in having a going away party where you’re only kind of happy? Or is a going away party just there to say “Congratulations on moving on to something better!” There’s clearly a reason to go away, but there’s not always a reason to celebrate it. So why say goodbye in such a large way? What’s wrong with saying goodbye privately? This could only apply to me though…

Maybe you can’t take the time to say goodbye to everyone if it’s at such an intimate level, but sometimes goodbye doesn’t have to be said. I am generally cold towards acquaintances. Why would I say goodbye or I’ll miss you, if it’ll only be true for the first week or so? I guess pleasantries have never been a huge part of how I communicate. Yes, I do hide behind words, but in a different way than small talk. Generally, if I said it, I meant it, and if I didn’t say it, I wasn’t thinking about it. Maybe that’s the cold side of me that my friends don’t see, that I don’t like to show.  I might just be a little bit broke, like I don’t meet people well, but I connect fast after that.

Welcome home parties seem so much warmer than going away parties. Everything old seems new, and all the embraces feel right. Everything new feel old, since they’re apart of where you live, they’re instantly apart of who you are. It’s great to be connected to all the new things at college; everything is another thing to be proud of. Yet, I may be connected to and proud of all the new students, but I don’t make effort to get to know them. I’m truly broke (in multiple ways, $). places I’ve been seem cold to me, but people I know are shining lights. New places give me new reasons, but new people keep me retracted. I need to take steps to reach out to people. I can’t rely on just my reclusiveness to get things done now. I guess I have about nine months until summer, but about nineteen years of brokenness and I better get a fixin’. My journey starts now.