Reasons to be afraid

                I’ve always been told that my writing was great, that I always had a way with the words I chose. Not once in my life has someone read something I put my heart into and told me “This is bad. I don’t like your ideas or writing style.” And that scares me.

                I know what a huge problem to have, no one has ever disliked my writing. Yet the more I think about it the more it eats away at me. Good writers get the readers to think. Great writers get readers to act. Lately I’ve been reading Hemingway, and all I could think about was how good it was, how involved in the story I got. I stumbled across a few negative reviews and spent the time to read them. The first thought of course was how ignorant and aggressive people like that are, but it can also be something so different. Even for the people spewing hate, Hemingway made them act. His words were so powerful to extend  past the pages and into life. I know I remember the books I hate just as much as the books I love.

                Where’s my haters? I don’t have anyone yet. There’s just a small chance that everything I write is eloquent and the reader is completely swayed by me. There’s a larger chance that everyone I know is so civilized they don’t want to attack my dreams. I don’t believe in either of that. The reason that runs through my head the most is lack of presence. That everything I say is “so nice” and calm that the reader feels just a little bit stronger than indifferent. Where’s the power? I’m afraid my writing is so “cookie cutter” that I’m not saying anything truly new. It’s not like cookies taste worse with a cookie cutter, but it takes away from the power of creation. Which is a shame, because this whole blog is about me saying something new, saying something important to someone and having it stick with them for life.

                Nothing important is ever agreed upon. That’s why there are so many power struggles. People shouldn’t be reading my writing and always think “that was interesting.” I want just once for someone to honestly disagree with what I have to say, that way I know my words hold power. Maybe like many others I’m just a little tired of excelling but not changing anything.